Every time i hear about a wedding or see people getting married, in some cases I am happy for them and other times I wonder what the hurry is, I wonder why they are wasting everybody’s time.
I have seen people depreciate from what they were as single people,less awareness about things happening around them in some cases it’s like they became lights hidden behind bushels or they just caved in and died a social death.
They would say how happy and better off they are and same time how lucky you are and still hound you about being unmarried.
Maybe I have very high standards or I am highly non-committal or not everyone will be married after all , okay that’s what most unmarried people say when they are not saying they are waiting for Mr/Mrs Right.
Definition of a good marriage or someone who married well is relative. People have a picture in their head of what kind of lives they want or need to live.
I am quite certain that your happiness, destiny or failure; what they become has a direct bearing on your associations. A person no matter how willed or free willed interacts with his environment and often times reflects that environment.
I am unmarried so this may well be cast as a thoughtless piece from one without experience but this is what I know and think.
For a person to marry well, you should look at your personality, spiritual standing, social standing, life goals and interests before choosing a mate. The kind of kids and home you want to have is also to be considered.
Men I agree are visual beings, hence it’s not uncommon to see a man you consider to be of great worth falling slave to petty fascination of a beautiful woman. As women we grow up often thinking that the concept ” hard to get” or being snobbish will bring men to our feet, well at a certain age yes but as men grow older and attain certain standards that becomes repulsive. Also, men grow up thinking a lady is wooed only by gifts or pestering, women as they grow also find it repulsive.
To marry well is not just about money, class or physical compatibility. Even the least educated or exposed sometimes marry well, as women these days we seldom get to learn all the skills our mothers had, because the kind of education we get these days are of a seemingly low standard, women in the days of old learnt as a skill how to mend, polish homes, sing, some learnt poetry, tapestry and even the art of lovemaking and massages, how to walk and dress as a lady.
If we still had all these combined with western education, imagine what the world will be.
Some of us marry still as children, we haven’t quite formed or come to know the huge responsibility that comes from attaching our souls or destiny to another, in some cases we become a burden to the ones we love unable to follow them on the path destiny and fate has carved and not able to fulfill our own destinies. We feel guilty sometimes for chasing our own dreams.
Sometimes you find an educated, goal oriented and successful woman with a struggling barrister yet to define his path no to talk of finding it or some man with a mashed brain in the name of being a hustler trying to make it, you find the man who has found his own path trapped by a pretty nonsensical woman, these people unable to support each other on the path of their destinies.
To marry well is not about who you married its about what your life becomes with that person in the equation. Are you able to find your spiritual balance, is the energy or aura right with the two of you in combination, what social success or physical or mental growth is achieved.
Half of the problems in the world are as a result of people not marrying well or right or being with the wrong mate giving rise to half nurtured human beings with misplaced values, anger, low or poorly managed self esteems and lost or jaded humanity.
What then is it to marry well? I dare say, when it comes to money an educated hard working person can get that. A man aside having money should be refined, intelligent, cultured, sexually aware and confident in himself and the woman who wants to mate him should be an equal match in that segment. No mate should be a meal ticket or trophy to one another.
As a woman, it’s not about semi or outright nudity, it’s not about being a virgin or how many men you have being with, it’s in the grace with which we carry ourself, knowing when to be outwardly and when to be quiet and give those shy delicate smiles. A woman wearing expensive designer outfit without grace or decorum is as much of a turn off as the one in the poorly assembled cheap clothes.
Some women are strong and a match for most men, but if she has lost the woman in her, that milk and ability to nurture, be tender and gentle then she may just well enlist in the army.
One thing of note I am still learning, as I advise myself everyday is this, no matter how distinguished a union, if there is no love at the core of it, it is a failure. Love is not enough to get married but it is a must have and a non negotiable requirement.
Love is not as we see it on TV and you cry, there are factors that make you come to love someone, love may not be present at the very beginning but must be at the core and at the point when you take stock.
This is the not the love you fall into, it’s the love you grow in and nurture, that love that makes you wake up beside that man or woman and smile to yourself, the love that tugs at your heart after all the times you hate them for getting it wrong and you walk up to them, fix their hair or tie with that kiss on the forehead and the locking of the eyes you are reminded of how your life is genuinely worth living with them in it.